The Laundry Maven: Up in Arms... Again

The Laundry Maven is up in arms. She’s lost control of her domain. It all started with the family week-long ski trip to Smuggler’s Notch in Vermont over February break. Before we left for skiing, garments and gear were strategically laid out for each person on a dining room chair. Ordered chaos reigned. After each person checked off items, including duplicates as necessary, on his or her list – ski gloves, wool socks, balaclava, goggles, helmet, snow pants, snow boots, ski boots, ski jacket, long underwear top, long underwear bottom, and sweatshirts – he or she packed his or her own ski bag. Bill made sure each skier had a set of skis and poles in the van. The system hummed.

Adults and kids each packed separate cases for indoor clothing: sweats, long-sleeved t-shirts, socks, pjs, jeans, underwear, sweaters and the like. The Laundry Maven tucked in the Malcolm’s special chemical-free laundry detergent, just in case a load of laundry would need to be done. Honestly, she made sure there were enough clean clothes packed that the family could get through the week without her help.

Skiing conditions were a little challenging: rain in the air resulted in ice on the slopes. The boys were troopers; they skied every day but one. I skied two days, plus one run the third day. On that run, my confident muscles seized up as my skis ran over ice chunks on my green runs. It was like skiing down a gravel road where fresh gravel had been dumped and left thick to settle. At the bottom of the run, I kicked off the skis. I was stunned, unsure what to do next. I had watched one tall man take a huge fall and drop his pole 10 feet uphill from where he landed. I thought I should help but knew that if I tried to scoot his pole to him I would land on him. His ski buddy was gingerly pecking her way down the mountain to him – better she land on top of him than me. I texted Bill: I’ve taken off my skis and I’m going to the bookstore in town.

The unit we stayed in had a long, wide entryway and was covered in Berber carpet. We would eject the ski boots first just inside the door, together with gloves and helmets; then we would meander toward the wall hooks and hang up ski jackets and ski pants. From there, layers of ski clothes were dispersed throughout the living room and the bedrooms. Wet stuff, if lucky ended up near the fireplace to dry overnight.

After the first day, I noticed how much easier it was to get this crew together this year. Our first February break ski trip was three years ago. Since then, Will has joined a ski club at school so is now quite capable of putting on his own gear. He was independent in the morning preparing to go out. With Liam, we worked out that he needs to be kept cool and comfortable until the last possible moment: carrying his helmet like a basket with balaclava and gloves tucked inside, unlike the other three of us who fully geared up before taking the shuttle to the mountain.

In all my mountain splendor, this is me and the black thing covering my face continues as a tight fitting hood under my helmet -- it's a balaclava. Sometimes that comes out baklava when I try to say it. Totally different items.

On the last day, we needed to clear out of the unit before 10 a.m. which was when the boys’ lessons started. Bill took the boys. The Laundry Maven grabbed the two suitcases. Instead of dividing clothes between adults and kids, luggage on the return trip would be divided between clean and dirty. She had left one open suitcase in the closet of each bedroom for dirty clothes to be deposited throughout the week. In wonder, she discovered a few pair of dirty underwear and one pair of black socks in the boys’ suitcase. That’s all. A search through their bedroom – under sheets and the dresser – only shook out two more pair of black socks. A swing through the bathroom rooted out more: swimsuits, sweats, and shirts.

The abundance of clean clothes still in the dresser drawers was… numerically incorrect. Particularly eight pairs of clean black socks. But never mind – they had been very independent young men on this trip. The fact that they had worn mostly the same clothes for five days… This was a ski holiday. In Vermont. Not Vale.

Back at home we unloaded the van into the hallway, an entryway a bit narrower than where we stayed in Vermont. All ski gear and wet, wet outer wear went to the laundry room. It seemed like a good idea at the time, for the Laundry Maven thought it best to wash everything that had been worn on the slope, outer and inner garments. Even spraying foot deodorizer in eight pairs of boots and washing goggles in warm soapy water.

With the first load coming out of the washer, the Laundry Maven unfolded the wooden rack and blocked the hallway with it.  Nobody likes the wooden rack in the Malcolm house.  However, since the Laundry Maven was washing wool and other thick garments, it needed to come out, so we are trying to be patient.

But on Day 4 of being home, we are all getting a little fed-up with the drying rack. And the Laundry Maven. She’s grumpy, and she’s not getting the job done very efficiently.

Thank goodness it's Hump Day. Maybe she'll have it all together by the time the weekend rolls around, and Bill returns from China. Now that's the man who genuinely dislikes the rack; perhaps it's a cultural thing. In England, these big wooden creatures are generally kept in the airing cupboard.

(How well the Laundry Maven remembers doing laundry across the pond... The English Laundry Maven.)

Three White Rubber Eggs?

While I waited for the Laundry Maven to run my bath this morning, I descended on two small cardboard boxes that were tucked behind the side table in our bedroom. They had been there since Christmas time. Remnants of wrapping presents on Christmas Eve. I had hauled a card table upstairs to our bedroom and set it up in front of the TV. Christmas cooking shows sounded like good company while wrapping gifts. For three hours. I had scoured the house for gifts that I had squirreled away. Much like the rodent, surely, I had forgotten where several of these excellent hiding spots were. In February, I’m still looking for the cutest talking Minnie Mouse that I know I ordered by mail for my niece in Iowa. Minnie is 16 inches high. And still hibernating in some cozy, save corner. (I ordered a replacement Minnie and had it shipped directly to my niece.)

One of the cardboard boxes behind the table contained coconut shells carved out to hold tropical drinks. Alas, that box has actually been hanging out behind the table since July when we hosted our Midwest Bed & Breakfast friends at our house. I had used the coconuts to decorate each of their bedside tables. Cardboard hula girls glued on straws rounded out the bottom of the box. I returned the coconuts to my great-grandfather’s trunk and tossed the rest.

The eclectic nature of that trunk would make my great-grandfather’s head spin. Twelve coconuts; two coconut bras – one Bill made & one I bought; a pair of satin pajamas my uncle brought back from Vietnam for me when I was perhaps five; Grandma Murphy’s favorite pair of purple satin pajamas she wore into her late 80’s; and a blue boa – that’s just what’s visible on the top layer. They all lie in wait for the next opportunity to emerge and to be useful.

The second cardboard box was small and stout in weight for its exterior size. Peeking in, I knew immediately why I had shoved this one behind the table: three solid rubber chicken-size eggs in an unopened plastic bag, with packing bubble, packing slip, and return slip all intact. I let out a very audible groan.

My sister and I had commiserated about a week before Christmas: We are nearly done shopping, but we had both gotten caught up in a flurry of nonsensical questions: “Is it all equal?” “Did we buy enough?” Both of our kids are at ages where they want bigger gifts – not lots of smaller ones to fill space under the tree. For my sister, this was her daughter’s first year of wanting a bigger gift. My sister confessed her struggle not to add to the pile. I knew exactly what she was talking about as I too had the same anxiety over the impending last-day-to-order-on-line-for-free-delivery quickly approaching. I curbed my anxiety by ordering a few more things from a catalog the boys don’t even look at. But in my book, they would be fun gifts – just to round out the tree skirt.

Up to those last minute purchases, I had kept inventory of my Christmas present purchases. In my daily notebook, I had a section written in the equivalent of Egyptian hieroglyphs. So intensely coded that I it took me a few looks to unravel them myself. When this episode of binge-buying hit, I jotted nothing down, for I didn’t need to because I was so near the end.

That wrapping session felt a little like Christmas morning to me as I opened all the cardboard boxes that had arrived over the past few weeks. Then, I opened the rubber eggs. I thought I had opened a box delivered to the wrong address, but there my name was in black and white. I indeed had ordered three rubber chicken eggs. Sadder was the fact that I didn’t know what I was actually missing. I still don’t. And here the eggs are… still in my house.

Many retailers give us through January to return merchandise that doesn’t fit or that is the wrong color. I need through the end of February to return stuff I just feel embarrassed about ordering. And now, with their story told, they can be returned – hopefully. If not, I’ll be looking for creative ways to use rubber eggs. I am dreading that possibility.

My bathtub nearly overflowed with the rubber egg distraction.

P.S. Have you met the Laundry Maven?  She's a character near and dear to my heart: The English Laundry Maven.

Living Up to Your Full Potential... On Skis

After a four-day weekend, anchored by a snow storm last Friday and this Monday, I believe today is Hump Day. Or was it yesterday? Snow days trick the mind and mess with the schedule a bit – but the snow was a welcome sight! We skied at Crotched Mountain in New Hampshire over the weekend. With temps in the 50s last Thursday evening, we weren’t sure there would be snow, but thankfully, Friday’s storm swept across the mountain and dropped a few inches of fresh powder.

Both days were glorious – temps knocked at 40’s door while the sun lit up the mountain as well as the view from the top. For most of the skiing last year, we were hunkered down in below zero air, snow squalls swirling, with not a speck of skin showing. Now, our cheeks were pink from the sun rather than from the wind.

Friends went with us; none of the three kids had skied before that day, so they started off with an hour and a half ski lesson. At the end of the lesson, the instructor suggested, with the help of two other adults, he show them how to get on and off the two-person chair lift so they could move to green runs on the mountain. End result: the 12-year-old boy and 9-year-old twin girls skied until five o’clock that evening. After one lesson. They have amazing potential with the sport.

That was Liam’s catch phrase for the weekend. For me. “We just want you to live up to your full skiing potential, Mom.” For my family, the sport is about coaxing. Bill coaxed me to ski when I was 23 years old. The hills in Wisconsin and the U.P. (Upper Peninsula, Michigan) were my training grounds. Ski across the mountain. Stop by making a pizza wedge. Getting up from a fall? Turn your skis perpendicular to downhill and push the poles into the upside of the mountain to return upright. I skied greens and blues, and I would usually end a weekend of skiing with one black run.

We coaxed Will into lessons at Pico Mountain in Vermont when he was closer to the ground, probably around 3rd grade. At that age, or rather size, confidence is easier to hone on a slope. It’s like a bush in a hurricane as opposed to a full-size maple. Closer to the ground, the bush is sturdier and compact with fewer branches to catch in the swirling wind. With unstable strong movement, trees fear crashing to the ground or at least limbs breaking off. A tight little bush might lose a few leaves. Now, Will coaxes Liam to follow him on tougher runs.

As for Liam, he never wanted to ski. He still doesn’t want to ski. Frankly, with Liam, if it isn’t his idea, he doesn’t want to do it. For anyone watching a Malcolm pre-skiing episode, it appears that we are beating our heads against a brick wall, forcing a child against his will to put slick boards on his feet and turn them down a mountain. For Liam, the idea of skiing is repulsive. The layers of clothes and heavy boots make his skin crawl. I imagine it would be like putting a layer of wool clothing next to my skin under the ski gear. I cringe at the thought.

Finally, on this trip, I dig out the prescription cortisone from his dermatologist. A half hour before we go out, I smooth on a thin layer all over his body to numb those sensitive nerve endings. While the rest of us hitch on ski pants at the hotel, we pack Liam’s in his ski bag. He will put his on at the last-minute to avoid over-heating. All this amidst, “I said I DON’T want to ski!!!” Once up the lift, he’s the first one to zip to the bottom of the mountain. Skis turned downhill and poles tucked under his elbows.

Bill, who has maxed out on his full skiing potential, skis with the boys. Growing up in England, he either skied on fake green turf in England or traveled to the Alps. Here, Bill and the boys usually have blues and blacks, medium and difficult runs, on their agenda. We meet for lunch at the lodge. Bill looks like he has been through a war zone. Liam greets me.  “Mom, it’s time you do a blue! We know you can do it!”

And the thing is, I too know I can do a blue. And a black. However, that doesn’t mean I need to do it. I have met my full skiing potential: I learned to ski nearly 25 years ago, and at nearly 50, I’m still strapping onto my feet smooth boards that have no other purpose than to slip on snow. And with those securely anchored to my feet, I’m flying up mountains 2,000 feet high on a chair lift.

And at the top, I stop and look out. The scene is exhilarating. I meander on gentle, easy, wide, green slopes and stop at turns to take another look at the vista. I’m grateful for my coaxing coach who made this sight possible through my eyes. The scene is euphoric. I catalog it with sunsets over cornfields, lying directly under fireworks on the 4th of July, and blown sand dunes covered in wildflowers at the beach.

On a couple runs, we all skied green together. I was the last one down the hill. My ski-life coach, Liam, is waiting for me, “Where have you been? We’ve been down here for ages!” True, my ski party of seven stood at the entrance of the chair lift.

I’m an oak tree that has seen a few hurricanes, and I know how I want to live to my full potential. Now, when I fall, I don’t try to use my poles to push off the mountain to stand up. I click my skis off, stand up, and put them back on. I take runs slowly so that I inhale the views. Because I know a photo will never do them justice.

I stand firm on my slippery boards when I answer Liam. “I’ve been skiing.”

Is that you, Chewbacca?

I’m floundering this week. I’ve written a lot today, but it feels like cobwebs being dealt with rather than anything I would send out into the universe. I’m getting tripped up by photos. I often take pictures to spark my memory for writing ideas. The photos are effective tools, but they are also making me stumble. Today, I’ve spent too much writing time reflecting on this: I feel like I’m writing essays that will be validated by the photo I post along with it. And today, that scrounging around for a visual stole the grit from my essay and the time I had dedicated to writing.

The words were rolling along. Then they stopped. A black technology hole sucked me in. I wanted to prove in media what I had tried to show in words, and I couldn’t link six video clips together on my phone – not enough storage space to make an iMovie. Then, I looked for similar clips on my computer and fell into a rabbit hole that meandered aimlessly through videos from early 2014. Finally, I pulled my choke collar.

Some people get a Hump Day Short sent to their in-boxes. Other readers, find me via Facebook and Pinterest, occasionally Twitter. And to draw readers’ attention on these visual social media avenues, I need to publish posts with an alluring piece of eye candy.

Take for instance, last week’s "Six Year Post-Chemo" piece. Desperate for a photo, I had Bill take a picture of the back of my head before I got a few inches of hair cut off. Being one of my steadfast readers, Liam glanced at my post on Facebook.

“Why do you have a picture of Chewbacca on your Facebook page?”

If you take a look you will see it: Turn the photo so the upper left corner is at the top, and there he is, complete with a wide forehead, inset eyes, and a big snout. Even the hair color appears Chewbacca-accurate.

I’m not a photographer or a videographer. I’m a writer. And while some of my quick snaps might be worthy of accompanying my writing, I’m going to bust out of this ever-present need to force a photo into my writing.

No idea how I will put this piece on Facebook. Probably re-post my Chewbacca head shot.

Six Years Post-chemo

I’m six solid years post-chemo. Beginning with the first note of the "The American Idol" theme song every December, I feel a familiar anticipatory nudge. When I heard that music in late 2009, I knew I would be done with chemo at the airing of the first episode in early January 2010. Now, I privately revel at the beginning of every "Idol" season. It’s still a quiet milestone for me. With this being the last season of "Idol," I may need to break out reruns next year in early January to mark the occasion.

Unlike this annual reminder, every day when I look in the mirror, I see these crazy chemo curls. They are like another creature that is part of me and over which I have no control. I'm amazed that they have stuck around after all this time! Often I think about how much money I spent on perms in the 80s to get curls like this.

I just read “A Midsummer Night -- #nofilter” with Will and Liam. It's a broken down version of Shakespeare's play told via social media -- tweets, statuses, emails, and chat rooms. That sprite Puck will never change! My twisted locks look like a home for mischievous sprites like him and sassy fairies like Tinkerbell – all whom like to grab hold of slender sections of my hair and spin like mad from top to bottom.

A few months ago, my stylist lifted the top third of my hair and just started laughing at the sight underneath. “There are just layers and layers of tendrils under here!” She handed me a mirror. They looked like vines hanging in spirals from trees in a remote rain forest. I was as amazed as she.

Fighting for control and attempting to stay cool, I regularly wrap these shoulder-length tendrils into a clip and let the curls fall and disperse at will over the top. Until last week, when the New England temps finally plunged and my ears stuck out into the cold. It was time for a new style. Or at least a new length. “Cut off four inches and layer it. I don’t want to look like a blunt ski mountain.”

I walked in with a pony tail. The sprites were rebelling against the tight elastic band and the four stoutly anchored bobby pins.

I watched 3-inch pieces fall to the ground. She must have thought four inches would be too much. Those little creatures’ twisted ropes were a quarter shorter than when I woke up that morning. As the stylist prepared the goo to keep my locks curly and smooth, I peered into the mirror. The curls were still there, just shorter. She diffused my hair for 10 minutes, and the tight tendrils sprung into bouncy curls. “My hair is happiest big.” She nodded and grinned in agreement. And it really is happy, those strands I refer to in third person atop my head.

Home to free-spirited sprites and fairies.

West Point

We spent last weekend in New York; Will had a gymnastics meet at West Point. Thanks to the organizing of many team parents, we had a hotel together, ate meals together, watched football together, and toured West Point together. The one-hour bus tour was just enough to keep the kids engaged and this particular adult fascinated. One stop was the West Point Cadet Chapel. Famous for the largest pipe organ in the world – with 23,500+ organ pipes throughout, the Chapel is where Protestant services are held. “Chapel” is West Point-ese for any place of worship on the grounds, be it a church or a synagogue: it’s a chapel. This particular Chapel felt like a cathedral, belying the smallness of the term “chapel.”

The Gothic architecture of this building sets the tone for the whole campus, but the style is tweaked with tall walls and “crenelations” – those notches in the tops of walls that suggest a Medieval castle or a place of defense; hence West Point's buildings architectural style of “Military Gothic.”

On ornate Gothic churches, spires shoot toward heaven. Military Gothic inspired buildings are missing that last aspiration upward. Their soaring walls stop heavily and abruptly with notched parapets that seem to have the sole purpose of looking downward to protect.

The architecture of the interior of the chapel was spectacular, but honestly, the books in the pews drew my eye more than the vaulted ceiling and stained glass windows. Their sheer perfection made this perfectionist-in-non-stop-recovery-mode grin.

Row after row, the hymnals and Bibles were in perfect line. And I couldn’t help but assume that this is how the worshipers put them back after every service. Surely the sexton didn’t need to straighten these. This was West Point; people here know what to do after they get something out. They put it away.

On the way home, while I was thinking I should implement more routines in our daily lives, Will declared, “I am never coming here.” Coincidentally, this morning after breakfast, Will cleared all his dishes and put the cereal and milk away -- which gave me a bit of a jolt. ...Thank you, West Point?!?

A Half-hour List

“Mom, I’m only concerned about me right now.” Liam with a sore throat and a doctor’s appointment on the near horizon. Me trying to tell him the plan for the weekend as related to sitting through his brother’s 6-hour gymnastics meet. I’m unsure how to feel about the brutal honesty of my newly 10-year-old son. I could find 100 quotes for and against this premise. At the beginning of the New Year, I’m perched squarely on a wide fence, pondering: give freely to the world vs make yourself happy.

I carry a small notebook around with me. It holds more necessities than my calendar. If I miss an appointment on my calendar, someone will call me. As for the list book, it’s my direction for the days and the weeks. Jobs I can do in 15 minutes or less around the house. Grocery lists. Chores for the boys. Weekly breakfast, lunch, and dinner menus for three different appetites. Notes about special projects: what have I done or who have I called to make something happen. A list of story ideas. Summer Camp dates.

And my most creative – and eventually, very labor-intensive list: 47 ideas for December’s Advent calendar. That list takes up four pages. Trying not to create a 24-day supply chain of sugar, I scoured the internet for ideas, finding sayings, science experiments, and holiday activities to do with the kids. On Day 19, the previous two Advent days had been un-opened by Will and Liam. I didn’t force it. While I was doing it for them, it was exhausting me, but I was very proud of it. Gold star Mom – for 19 out of the 24 days of Advent. But I digress, for the Advent calendar is another story.

I’m cleaning out my list book and have another one ready to go for 2016. Most of the lists are garbage at this point. However, I’m left with the annual dilemma of what to do with those pages I really need. Tear them out and try to file them with the appropriate subject in that ever-changing non-filing system I have implemented in our house? No, those pages would probably be better off left intact in the spiral bound book. Perhaps I will remember to look in it for important information this coming year. Then there is my niece’s Christmas list. Seeing me writing in my book, she asked what my book was. Hearing “list book,” she asked if she could write her Christmas list in it. Can I ever part with that bit of magic written in her 4-year-old hand? Doubtful.

When I’m traveling, I like to write a different type of list: deep-cleansing lists. Generally, this happens on airplanes and in airports during layovers – plenty of those on the trip to Iowa! (Click here for details!) Away from the normal routines and every day responsibilities, these lists are like flyovers of our lives. Do the cars need new tires? Did we ever completely finish the paperwork for our will? What little jobs projects around the house need to be done and can be done in 15 minutes? How can I make better use of time in a day? In a week? What loose ends need to be fixed? In some crazy way, this list freshens daily life for me and shakes up the goals – or rather re-establishes goals forgotten. Or never set?

I found a single page in my book titled “1/2 hour goals – daily.” I remembered writing it; I hadn’t implemented it on a daily basis by a long shot. The goal: for ½ hour a day do one of the things from the short list. It was supposed to be a longer list, but I hadn’t revisited it. Embroider. Read. Write. Send birthday cards. A very short list of things I enjoy doing.

In 2016, the Puritanical guilt needs to take a sabbatical. Surely, it’s OK to say for a half-hour a day, “I’m only concerned about me right now.”

I’ve been writing for an hour today. It feels good.

Happy Hump Day.

Getting to Iowa Christmas 2015

Two feet on solid ground, once again, in Massachusetts. But it’s been a long journey. A Goliath-sized journey to Iowa and back. The plan was to wake up Christmas morning in our house, then spend the weekend relaxing at home before flying to Iowa on Monday. At the end of the school day the 22nd, Liam said, “Tomorrow we fly to Iowa, right?” No. I reviewed the schedule with him: we fly to Iowa the 28th. Will, hearing our conversation in the background, replied, “But I’ve been waiting for a week already!” A perk of the 18th as the last day of school for him. “But we are only going to be in Iowa for FIVE days! That’s not long enough!” Next Christmas, perhaps Will and Liam can plan our travel schedule.

Sunday evening, we receive an email: our 2 p.m. flight on Monday has been canceled and rebooked to 4 p.m. the same day. Snowstorm Goliath is wreaking havoc across the country, thankfully with no flooding but with snow in the Midwest. Canceling over 1,600 flights into Chicago.

In the lounge, we watch the screen for hours. Finally, around 6 p.m. the 4 p.m. flight is canceled, and no flight information is available for the next day. “I am not leaving this airport! I want to see my cousins in Iowa! Now we will only be there for FOUR days!” Will.

After eating dinner at Legal Seafood in our terminal, we checked with the ticket agent. No room on current Tuesday flights, but surely they will add more flights to accommodate passengers – check after midnight. We traveled home to sleep in our own beds.

Travel" is derived from the word travail. To travail means to engage in painful and laborious effort, like a woman in labor.

Tuesday at 6 a.m., I spent an hour on the phone waiting to talk to someone. Finally, an agent reviewed our options. No flights to Chicago. No flights to anywhere in Iowa. Not Cedar Rapids, Dubuque, nor Des Moines. We couldn’t fly to Iowa until Wednesday evening at 6 p.m. “What about Minneapolis? Can you get us to Minneapolis?” Yes. With another airline. A 2 p.m. Tuesday flight would get us there early evening. We would drive four hours to Mom and Dad's. I scampered to re-book the car rental – putting my fingers in my ears and singing “la-la-la” to drown out the price of picking up a car in one city and returning it to another.

A few hours later, we arrive at the Minneapolis gate and see the flight has been delayed from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. “What?” Will. Equipment problems; the plane is in the hangar. Around 5 p.m.: "The plane is on it’s way over!"... "Oops, wrong plane… yours is still in the hangar."

We decide to have a late lunch – at the Legal Seafood in today’s terminal. Back at the gate we get wind of un-official news, “We don’t have confidence in this plane flying today.” Will: “I AM NOT LEAVING THIS AIRPORT! WE'RE ONLY GOING TO HAVE THREE DAYS IN IOWA!”

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the Middle English word "travail" is via Old French from the Medieval Latin word, "trepalium": an instrument of torture. Tre = three. Pallium = stake. To impale yourself on three stakes.

Around 7 p.m., it’s confirmed that this plane isn’t flying, but a plane arriving from Minneapolis later this evening is going to head back with us on-board – at 9:30 p.m. We have dinner at Legal Seafood’s. Again. And book a hotel in Minneapolis -- free with Bill's travel points -- for our midnight arrival. That becomes a 2 a.m. arrival Wednesday morning after a very late 11 p.m. departure.

On the umpteenth update-call to Mom and Dad, Dad says, “I don’t know about the person who made these Christmas plans!” Gotta love him; he would’ve liked us there December 1st. I told him perhaps he and Will could sort out arrangements next year.

This trip is unfolding as a scene from one of the Home Alone movies or Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Powerless. Given immovable obstacles and left with the challenge of overcoming them. Powerless children were the most challenging.

Facing long drives, I used to tell the kids that to get to the good stuff sometimes you have to do things that aren’t pleasant – but worth it for what’s at the other end. For if we hadn’t had Goliath, we wouldn’t have had snow in Iowa, and snow was on the most wanted list for Christmas in Iowa. When I pointed this out on the way home, Will saw the necessity of Goliath. Without it, none of our outdoor four-wheeling, sledding fun would have happened. To my nephew's urging, "Show us how much farm girl you have left in you, Aunt Linda!"  He's the second one left in the dust... with a little help from Will.  

Travel today holds many more immediate rewards than it did in Medieval times. The wounds from impalement heal much quicker.

I Was... Then I Wasn't

Two nights ago, I encouraged Liam to leave his porcelain perch and get into the shower.  I headed to my closet to try on some new clothes.  I had put that job off for a week, just looking at those shopping bags with little hope.  Then, suddenly, I wasn’t trying clothes on.  With Clorox wipes in hand, I was sanitizing Pokemon cards that had fallen into the toilet.  Luckily they were semi-protected inside a plastic bag and laminated.  I hope Liam makes the correlation: if it can happen to Pokemon cards, it can happen with iPods too. A week ago Sunday, I met a friend for a Sunday evening coffee with the plan of going to the Christmas tree lot from there.  She had agreed to be a merit badge counselor for Will’s Boy Scout troop, but the on-line training site kept gliching on her.   I parked the van and looked around inside for my purse.  I never forget my purse.  I had forgotten my purse.  I dug through the change in the trunk but couldn’t pull enough together for two cups of coffee.  I broke into the glove compartment vault and stole the $50 bill from the yellow sticky marked “$50 from Grandpa and Grandma for Will’s backpack.”  It bought coffee but couldn’t cover my tree too.  And with a floating yellow sticky, the backpack may also be in jeopardy.

I bought the tree and asked Bill to help me get it up.  He left the ball game, and we were very serious with this endeavor: me holding the tree upright and Bill tightening eight screws to hold the trunk in place.  On cue, I backed up to check its vertical angle, and suddenly, it was no longer serious.  The tree appeared to have landed on Bill and flattened him.  And there I went with a gut-busting-gonna-pee-my-pants laugh.  It was a scene out of a twisted version of The Wizard of Oz.

After letting the boughs loosen up for a couple days, I got out the box of lights and ornaments to put on the tree.  Proud of and happy with my all-day organizing extravaganza at the end of the season last year, I had three sets of 200 lights ready to go.  I plugged the first one it and only half the string lit.  I burned my finger on one bulb in the second set.  I saw no sign of light with the third set.  I thought I was putting lights on the tree, but I was not.

Two days later, I have new lights.  As I start weaving the lights back and forth, bottom to top, I feel the tree begin to hug me.  “Bill!”  Bill was working at the counter, then he wasn’t working at the counter.  And yet again, my funny bone was tickled and I was doing something that I wasn’t planning on doing.  Bill was not as entertained this time when I said, “Don’t move!”  Again?

Two weeks ago, I cleared the shelves in the living room in preparation for my snowmen.  After straightening and trimming the tree, I went to the basement in search of the box of snowmen.  The week before, I had taken all the Christmas boxes out and neatly lined them up with lids off in the basement.  No snowmen.  I re-checked the storage shelves.  Not there.  I peeked into the storage room; they could be at the very back.  I was putting snowmen up, then, suddenly, I was cleaning out the storage room.

A year’s worth of just-put-in-in-there lined the walls and covered the floors.  I made it to the back, repacking Halloween and summer tubs as I went.  No snowmen.  I spent the rest of that day and the next looking in bedrooms and main floor closets, and even the dank basement closet and the barn loft filled with squirrel poo.  Nothing.  On Day 1, Bill told me there were red and green boxes in the furnace room, but I knew they weren’t in there because one was marked Trains and the other was Pirate Ships.  Nearly off my rocker, I told Bill I thought perhaps someone had stolen them.  He told me there were many things more valuable in our house than my snowman.

With the knock in the head back toward sanity, on Day 2 I went back to the basement.  I lugged out the only boxes I hadn’t peeked into: the giant red and green ones in the utility room.  The one marked Pirate Ships suddenly became the one filled with snowmen.

Needing a place to sit quietly for an hour, I went to church last Sunday, the Third Sunday of Advent, by myself.  The closing prayer was written by Kate Mcllhagga from the Iona Community in Scotland.  A few of the lines struck me.

“…help us to clear the way for you; to clear the clutter from our minds; to sift the silt from our hearts, to move the boulders that prevent us meeting you.”

That felt like a giant sneeze clearing much of the past week’s “I was… then I wasn’t” out of the December air.

Ten days til Christmas.  May they be clutter-free, silt-free, and boulder-free.

Happy Hump Day.

A Bird on the Doorstep

On hump day last week, my dad and I completed our 3-day driving trek from Iowa to Massachusetts. He is a man who likes his feet on the ground, so I flew to Iowa last Monday and rented a car. My brother delivered Dad to the airport, and we started our drive – within an hour of my flight touching down. At nightfall, we anchored in Fremont, Indiana, just as it started to rain. We had knocked nearly six hours off of the 20-plus hour trip. Tuesday was a long driving day and Wednesday was a shorter one; rain, mist, and fog made much of the landscape look the same from mid-Indiana through Massachusetts. Both of us managed the trip relatively well. We stopped every couple hours for a stretch or for food. However, the adrenaline crashed about 20 minutes after getting home. Dad was stretched out on the couch. I was in a bit of a fog looking around in my house, thinking, “Did we really just do that?” And that was the short of hump day last week.

I thought Dad could use a day of rest the first day back. I had a quick doctor’s appointment in the morning that took me away from the house for two hours. Dad was settled in with the remote and a couple newspapers. I smile thinking back to my return: Dad was pacing. “Do you have anything to drink in this house?” The front row of the fridge drinks included chocolate almond milk and soy milk. “I couldn’t even get a glass of water!” Dad said as he flipped the faucet handle up and down. Not til then did I realized how counter-intuitive that thing is. Down and out to the right is cold; up and out to the right is hot. And, to top it off, he had been stuck on CNN Headline news for two hours. A week into the trip, we have conquered the learning curve.

Sunday Bill took Dad and the boys out for lunch. I had a hair appointment then went to the grocery store. Lugging five bags of groceries up the steps, I saw a little ball of feathers on my doorstep. At first I thought perhaps a cat had left a gift, but as I got closer I saw that the bird was alive, just perfectly still. I gingerly stepped over him into the house with the bags then returned. To have a chat with him. It was one of the most peaceful conversations I had all week. I asked if he had flown into the door. If he was OK. Then I thought, I’m talking to a bird. A little junco wearing a black cape.

I decided to give him a few minutes to come to. He really did look stunned. In the house, I listened for the car as I started laundry. My mind whirred with possibility. Running into the house, one of the boys could inadvertently trod on him. But my time-traveling brain saw something much worse: an Englishman and an Iowa farmer standing over the bird. The Englishman thinking something like, “Poor thing,” while the Iowa farmer put the poor thing out of its misery with the stamp of a work boot. And it would happen in front of two young non-farm boys. Yes, I must definitely intervene.

I needed gloves. Honestly, for a split second I turned expecting to see the banister at Mom and Dad’s where at least a half dozen farm gloves would be. I grabbed a rag from the laundry room and went outside. This time when I talked to the bird, he cocked his head so one eye could see me, and he listened. I warned him of the impending danger – the rationale for having to pick him up. Then, I gave him a little scoot with the cloth and he hopped. Ahh, indeed he had been in a daze earlier, but his rapid head movement pointed to a full recovery. I shooed him to the corner of the deck where he would have more privacy and could regain his flying wings.

Monday I drove Dad out to Crane’s Beach. At first sight of the Atlantic whilst standing atop the boardwalk, he stopped. And the scene was more than an Iowa farmer overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. I saw the land mass of Iowa pushing through Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, and Massachusetts until its nose touched the dunes of the Atlantic. Stunned at the sight.

At the water line, Dad’s work boots were chased by the incoming tide as he went about collecting clam shells. Indeed, he had been in a daze earlier, but his rapid feet movement at the water’s edge pointed to a full recovery.

Happy Hump Day.

Nostalgia over Little Things

In the basement of our library, where the tweens and teens are meant to hang out at high-top tables, there is a pile of extreme dot-to-dots. Think over 400 numbers on an 8”x 11” piece of paper. Liam and I landed at one of these tables a few weeks ago. While he did homework, I tried a dot-to-dot. With my contacts in and no reading classes, the eye strain was fierce. Today, my head is in that 400+ dot arena. Each dot a tiny speck of a story that would link well with a few other scattered dots. Brilliant fall colors lining the streets. A weekend away in Rockport, MA, celebrating our 23-year wedding anniversary. Nostalgia over the ceremony that pulled so many family and friends to one place. The way life changes – major and microscopic – land us in the very chair we sit today. Whether working at a desk, reading the paper in a comfy chair, discussing our world over coffee, or waiting in the driver’s seat of a van.

So much of life to write about, yet I can’t move past this dot: a spot outside the boys’ old school where I parked my van – 5 days a week, for roughly 9 months over 6 years. Will and Liam talk nostalgically about the school where they spent their early years, remember the changes and challenges as they got older, then release the nostalgia and justify where they are today. That often happens in three sentences. I spend more time paddling in the nostalgia – the sweetness of early elementary school and the pain of change.

Now, the Malcolm school livery service, split between Bill and me, is much different: two different schools, both with quick morning drop-and-go and afternoon pick-up-and-leave procedures. At the old school, we went to the boys' classrooms to pick them up. That could take a half hour. I covet the new livery procedures but miss my old parking spot for pick-up. It was four feet from a garbage can.

If I was meeting another parent a little early before picking up, the where-shall-I-meet-you question was easy to answer. By the garbage can, but I didn’t park there because it was a landmark. I counted on that parking spot to clear garbage from my van. With the ease of a drive through, I regularly deposited van trash there. That’s all gone now with the pick-up-and-leave scenarios.

Occasionally, I spot public garbage cans and take advantage of those. Yesterday, I ran to Party City for Halloween supplies. Just beyond the entrance was a big trash can. Glancing down at the stuffed door pocket, I gathered the garbage up, kicked the door shut, and walked toward the garbage can. Then, an older gentleman opened and held the Party City door for me. I looked at him and thought, “Can’t you see I’m going to the trash can? I’m clutching empty water bottles, scraps of paper, and granola bar wrappers!” I gave a smile of thanks and nodded to the garbage can behind him. He acknowledged my nod with a funny little nod of his own.

I miss the privacy and convenience of my old trash can.

Happy Hump Day and Happy Fall.

Space Apples

My CSA apples have taken over my fruit drawer. Since apple season began, I’ve carefully weighed my allotted 1 lb., 4 oz. of apples each week. Now, those elite organics have nestled in, tight and snug. (CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture - aka: locally grown and locally distributed. How I support family farms -- 1600 miles from my own!) With bored kids in the house yesterday afternoon, I decided it was time: to unpack my new apple peeler, corer, slicer. My sister-in-law has had one for years; finally, I have one attached to my counter. After hacking apart four apples, I stopped to read the directions. Then, viol la! What would Apple Grandma think? An hour of sitting and peeling apples replaced by minutes.

A few hand cranks left a ¼-inch peel 10 feet long, a perfect cylindrical core, and a springy coil of white apple perfectly cored, peeled, and sliced. We kept cranking until we had 20 cups of apple slices. Still, eight apples went back into the drawer – just enough for a batch of apple cobbler from my grandma’s & mom’s hometown cookbook.

Then we made two big batches of apple crisp and divided it between three pans. I sent one small pan of crisp home with my goddaughter who had cranked out the apples and mixed the crisp ingredients. After dinner, I had a bowl of warm apple crisp with vanilla ice cream. At 7:30 p.m., after cleaning the kitchen for the last time that day, I stared at the remaining two big pans of crisp. I was the only apple crisp fan in my house.

Despite darkness, I prepared to peddle apple crisp down my street. I split the crisp between four containers with lids and moved them to the distribution point: my front porch. I texted two neighbors to say I was en-route. I was just going to ring their doorbells at the other two houses. I had a fifth in mind, Barbara, but she is 90 and lives on her own; I didn’t want to scare her with a knock on the door after dark.

While they all appreciated the dessert, I selfishly appreciated their smiles of appreciation. My 2-year-old neighbor boy was reported to have hoarded the bowl while saying “mmmmmmmmm” and Kate, the neighbor two doors down who I had just met – by the light of the blood red moon lunar eclipse – said she was going to share it with Barbara. Kate also said she would meet me at the library today with a space video. After meeting Will a few weeks ago, she thought he might like the video.

Sunday, September 27th, was the night of this eclipse. Will’s science teacher emailed all parents suggesting we let the kids stay up late to catch this phenomenon. Driving home from a Sunday evening scout committee meeting, the boys and I saw the big moon rise over the trees. Bill was in England, awake at 3 a.m. and viewing the same moon. The boys and I discussed the probability of not being able to see it from our house through all the trees. We scouted out the tennis courts near the school as a good place to see it.

Around 9 p.m., we turned left out of our drive; we drove 300 feet and saw three adults standing in the dark at the edge of a drive looking skyward. Aha! I pulled over and turned the van off. “Are you watching the eclipse?” Yes! “Do you mind if we join you?” Please do! Will and Liam spread out a quilt from our van on the drive.

We’ve lived on our street for 10 years not knowing there were space fans four houses down: Mary just turned 90; Bill and Kate are about my parents’ age. Bill soon disappeared and returned with two sets of binoculars and four folding chairs. “We haven’t used these chairs in 15 years! Have a seat!”

For 1 ½ hours, we watched the moon turn red through the binoculars and with our naked eye. And we told space and donkey stories. Barbara had lived on the street the longest. “You know, I watched Sputnik fly over – right here – in 1957!” Something in that statement made Will’s eyes widen, perhaps he felt a little closer to serious space history?

“Did you know years ago the town’s animal control officer lived in your house?” Barbara asked. “He kept a donkey in his barn, and it always got loose. One night I woke up and saw it looking in my bedroom window!” That barn is now our garage.

“We’ve watched all kinds of things with Barbara over the years: the space station, satellites, shuttles…” explained Kate. "We saw the shuttle detaching from the space station one year," I shared by favorite space memory. "I love the Apollo missions," added Will. "I built my own Saturn V. And flew it." It felt cozy sitting there in the driveway. Four generations of us. Strangers with a connection.

Today, this dreary Tuesday morning, I met Kate at the front desk and she handed me the DVD she had promised. At my writing desk, I took it out to have a look. Now, I’m wordless. Look closely, or rather, put some space between you and the screen to bring it into focus.

Do you see a space apple, slightly tilted to the left, with a stem under the "P" and a bite taken out of the right side?

I have goose bumps. Another space friend suggested this kind of coincidence can be summed up in only two words: Space love.

Happy Hump Day.

Riding the September Self-Worth Rocket

That shift in the patter from summer to fall has finally settled a bit. When the kids start school, I think, “Ahhh…” Then, I’m jerked by some unseen force between coordinating gymnastics practice, band lessons, scout meetings, and – just for kicks – fixing computers. Bill traveled to England a couple weeks ago for his brother-in-law’s 50th birthday party. That weekend the boys had multiple events both days. In passing, I saw an email from my mom, saw a missed phone call from my dad, heard a voice message from my dad, saw on my phone that my mom had Skyped me, then finally an email from my mom: “Are you OK?”

Yes. However, I am strapped to a September rocket that is spiraling out of control. Even sleep is interrupted with kids’ bad dreams and sore stomachs. I’ve used those sleepless nights to quietly pretend I’m an IT goddess and fix computers.

In early September while waiting for the kids to get out of school, another mom wisely said, “Ah, yes, I made a mental note last year: Life is crazy through September, but by October all the schedules are in place – things settle down.”

Yes. The carpools are now down pat. Will’s gymnastics practices are Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. The school lunch bags have a rhythm. Doing a load of uniform clothes on Wednesday will get us through to the weekend.

Liam’s Gymja Warrior (America Ninja Warrior-style) classes are on the calendar. Boy scouts always meet Tuesday evenings. Cub Scouts always meet Thursday evenings.

Doctor appointments are best made right after school Tuesdays for one kid and Wednesdays for another. Drum lessons are Thursdays after school.

Then, Friday evening we circle the wagons around and collect our shattered selves until Saturday morning Robotics class, followed by trumpet and guitar lessons. Yes, we are on a steady patter now.

Liam recently asked me if I made any money. I told him I hoped to some day with my writing. In the meantime, I pulled up this visual from www.salary.com denoting mothers’ “virtual” salaries in 2013.

Moms who work outside of the house, check out your virtual salary.

I don’t accept VISA or Mastercard. But a hug and an “I love you” and a “thank you” are highly valued in my book.

Linda Malcolm, the writer, hopes to maintain a steady course with September out of the way.

Happy Hump Day.

40 Pounds of Tomatoes Makes 36 Pints

I write to you from the library with a sweater on and my empty canvas tote bag wrapped around my sandal-clad feet.  We are in that funny New England seasonal change: one day fall and the next day summer – then back to fall.  But I’m not quite ready for the pumpkins, squash, and gourds stage of fall.  Particularly since summer’s last push landed on my counter last Friday.  All 40 pounds of it.

Fortunately, my friend who helped me can my first batch of tomatoes last year (or the year before?) was free for the morning. Karen cans more often than I do. If I were to fly solo this day, I would have consulted Google and youtube. Karen is much more fun and shares knowledge better than either of those sources.

In preparation for the day, I dug out my canner from the back corner of a dark basement closet and bought new wide mouth jars. The black enamel pot made me giggle: in New England it is a lobster pot, not a canner. Before taking the boys to school, I loaded up the jars for a quick, wet, steamy bath.

Back at home, I turned the oven on to 250 and smiled remembering the first time around, when Karen told me to get the oven fired up: I told her that my mom never used the oven to can tomatoes but rather just put them in the jars raw.

With a slight pause, she explained that the jars would lay on their sides in the oven right until we filled them. This was Karen’s mom’s trick in keeping the jars sterile to avoid botulism. We agreed that with dishwashers today, it’s probably not as necessary to keep them in the oven, but in the days when jars were washed by hand, that warm-up in the oven was another level of insurance against botched tomatoes. (Whoa! Do you think “botched” originated from “botulism”?? …No, not according to a quick Internet search. Just coincidence.)

I waited at loose ends for Karen to arrive. Then it hit me: I needed to boil water. Lots of water in different pans. I felt like that stereotypical “dad character” getting ready for his wife to have a baby and being told to “go boil some water.” I knew not what else to do, so I put one shallow pan on for the lids; one Dutch oven full for the 30-second blanch to get the skins off; and the big canner for processing after the pint jars were filled.

Karen arrived with her canning pot and was happy to see that I had boiled water.  “Do you have lemon juice?”  I had forgotten that, but I always have one of those yellow bottles in the fridge.  A tablespoon of lemon juice helps with prevention of botulism by balancing acid and ph levels, I think.  I pulled out a half-full small squeezy bottle – dated August 2014.  Confidently, I said, “This should work.”  Karen shook her head.  Not enough and too old.  I returned the bottle to the fridge door and started pulling fresh lemons out of the fruit drawer.  “I’ll just squeeze these!”  Again, Karen shook her head.  “I’ll run to the store and grab a bottle,” I suggested.  She nodded at my suggestion,“I’ll start blanching and peeling."  Then, noting that I had put the squeezy bottle back in the fridge, she added, "I see that bottle isn't old enough to throw away!"  Perhaps not.

While I’m happy to have 36 pints of tomatoes, I’m delighted that Karen and I got to spend the morning together.  When do we make time to chat with a friend for four hours?  Across the most beautiful mess of a kitchen counter...

we did just that.

A special twinge of glee lay in the fact that we were also intertwining cultures of canning that we grew up with. Although I nearly dropped the first jar of tomatoes that was going into the canner when Karen yelled, “Stop!” I was going to put it into boiling water with my bare hands. She suggested that I use a jar lifter to put it in. Again, I laughed and explained, “I think my mom would’ve done that bare-handed!” (Mom agrees; it sounded like something she would do!)

With two inches of water over the jars, we let the canners come to a simmer and set the timer to give the tomatoes a 40-minute hot water bath.  Then, we turned the heat off, let them set for five minutes, and removed them with the jar lifter.

About eight hours later, all 36 pints were nestled on my counter.  And, 36 little “pops” of the lids hit my ears like music.  They were sealed. With a final swish of permanent marker, Swordfish with Tomatoes and Fennel will be back on the menu for another year.

I cleaned out the bathroom sink drain the following morning. A 15-minute production. Not nearly as rewarding as canning tomatoes; only you and God will ever know that my sink drains quicker.  On occasion, at the end of the day, sights like this give me a boost. A visual product of the day's work.

After a last glance to the counter, there is a lightness in my step as I head up to bed.

Good Night, Tomatoes.

The Chicken Kitchen

I’m 49. Too old to really care what the cashier at the grocery store thinks about my bagging decisions. Still, a part of me wonders if there is a recording of my repeated answer, “No, it’s fine to put the meat in with the other groceries.” Often they simply put my package of steak or fish or pork or chicken in its own bag, but never do they combine it with other groceries before asking and receiving my permission. With the quiet that follows my answer, I want to stand up for my decision: “I’ve never poisoned anyone yet!” When asked this question, I have flashbacks of the chicken kitchens of my youth. When mom and my aunt got together and butchered chickens – recapped in A Fowl Story -- the kitchen, either Mom's or my aunt's, became the processing plant. The chickens would be washed in the sink, moved to the table or counter, cut up into pieces, and put into Cryovac bags with twist ties. My granddad worked at Cryovac in Cedar Rapids; I don’t think we ever bought a single “freezer bag.” The smell of those plastic bags in bulk pervaded the kitchen when it was time to freeze food.

Chickens, 24 of them: 48 drumsticks, thighs, and wings; 24 un-split chicken breasts; 24 hearts and livers and gizzards. No boning or skinning. With all this activity and high quantity of chicken parts, the newspapers on the kitchen floor were soaked in splattered chicken juice by the end of the day.

With the kitchen near the door at both our house and my aunt’s house, the cousins – all nine of us – would whir through backwards and forwards as our moms worked and yelled, “Get out of here! Go outside!” But the bathrooms were inside. In both houses, they were through the living room. And the living rooms were connected to the kitchens. And we were barefoot. Surely our immune systems were built strong each summer considering where that chicken kitchen juice ended up.  Well distributed by 18 little feet.

But, I know, that was a different place and time. I asked Hillbilly Joe to take the recycling out this morning, and his finger got wet from rinse water on the garbage bag. Oh, the ire. Seeing my Hillbilly Joe in a chicken kitchen is unfathomable. He puffs up with pride about his summer feet, “I can walk on anything with my bare feet; they are so indestructible!” Hmm. I chuckle at his city feet’s grandiose-ness.

This morning I went out to water flower baskets on this hot, humid, icky summer day. When I think my outdoor chore is done, I see a dead rabbit between the trampoline and the swing set. I walk over to inspect and think I’ll get Bill to clean it up. And a thought strikes me as abruptly as if I had stepped on a rake and got knocked in the head by the handle.

Bill has never been in a chicken kitchen either. Really, the one with the most credentials to take care of this job is me. I scoop up the carcass with a shovel and toss it out behind the barn. I look at the spot where my hillbilly runs barefoot, and there is no evidence of this circle of life event. Still, I go get bleach water and pour it on the ground. I’m sure Mom and my aunt bleached the kitchen floor after their circle of life event too.

Yes, I’m OK with packing my lovely, clean packaged meat in the same grocery bag with the eggs or even the Cheerios. However, who at the grocery store decides to pre-pack three “everything” bagels in the same bag with three wheat bagels? There-in lies a true travesty. Everything bagels could go with, perhaps, onion bagels, but they should not be stored with wheat, plain, or egg bagels.  That seems logical.

 

Swordfish with Tomatoes and Fennel... and Friendship

In my least humble opinion, I rock Swordfish with Tomatoes and Capers. It’s an Ina Garten recipe with a few Linda Malcolm tweaks. First no capers: Bill is allergic to them. Second, I’ve only ever used home-canned tomatoes: first Mom’s well-traveled Midwest pints – 1,600 miles to become not a chili sauce but a swordfish sauce. When I ran out of Mom’s pints two years ago, my friend Kate and I turned the heat up in my kitchen and canned our own pints of tomatoes. Unsure if I would have been brave enough to can on my own, that was a special day: A replica of an Iowa summer day when friends and aunts visit to help can or freeze boatloads of vegetables and fruit. As I see it, unless you have home-canned tomatoes, my swordfish sauce is unduplicatable: Hard to get the same magic from a store bought can whose preparer’s hands you’ve never met. This recipe is perfect for a foodie who loves to cook but still wants to enjoy the company of guests and not be hovering over the stove while guests chat with your back side. First an early morning trip for the fresh swordfish catch...

Then, a few hours before dinner, in a large, high-sided skillet, flavors are coaxed out over time through layers of ingredients – onions and leeks; then garlic; then tomatoes, salt, and pepper; then wine and chicken stock; then basil and butter – while the pot simmers away for a little over a half hour. I cook the sauce through the last 10-minute simmer, after the addition of the wine and chicken stock; then I take it off the heat. Later, when the swordfish goes on the grill, I bring the tomato and fennel magic back to a simmer and finish it off with the basil and butter.

Rather than 28 oz. of drained plum tomatoes that the recipe calls for, I use 2 pints of un-drained home-canned tomatoes. As I pop the lids, my ritualistic sniff confirms the tomatoes are still good – or not. Saturday afternoon, sadly, I had only three remaining jars of tomatoes. I was making dinner for four. I recognized one jar as mine – canned in September of 2013. Its fresh hit to my nose confirmed its goodness. The second lid was unmarked and the tomatoes were a slightly darker red. I popped it open, sniffed, questioned, and sniffed again. Borderline. If I was cooking only for Bill and me, I would’ve used it, but I didn’t want to take the risk of poisoning guests.

I reach to the back of the shelf for jar number three. Oh my – it was one of those edgy jars with the two-digit year written on the lid. I didn’t even open it; instead, I moved ahead with a little extra chicken stock in the pot. Dinner was good, but I could tell it wasn’t two pints deep. It wasn’t as good as the week before when I made swordfish for a party of eight – with four pints of tomatoes.

Why didn’t I open the third pint? It was either from ’90 or ’06. Depending on which way you turned the jar to read the year on the lid.

I envisioned 30 pints of cooled canned tomatoes on Mom’s counter, and her Sharpie quickly swiping the year on each lid. Logically, I think the year was ’06 – they drove out to see me in ’07 with boxes of canned beans and tomatoes in the cargo. Then there is a little part of me that wants to believe it may have been from ’90 – and managed to survive all this time!

(Sidebar: By mistake, I sent the '06 photo to Mom last night. Here's her 10 p.m. reply: "what is the date on that jar??? 06?????" Note the panic in those question marks. I read them as "throw those away!")

The last swordfish supper of the full-tomato version marked the visit of Midwest friends we hadn’t seen in a couple of years. I see them sitting around our dining room table thinking how amazing to have them with us. Sixteen hundred miles they had traveled just a few hours before and here they sat at our table for dinner. Surreal. The last supper of the half-tomato version was for local friends we see more often. Their faces around our table more familiar. The laughter and conversations from time spent with good friends echo over the empty Ball jars on the open shelves in my kitchen.

I return the old tomatoes clear to the back of the shelf. Home organizers suggest if you don’t love it or need it to get rid of it. This jar passes that test on mostly just one account, but I could make a solid argument for “need.” Full of history, I decide to move the old jar of tomatoes to the front of the shelf. Where I can better see the lingering laughter of friends bouncing off the full jar – with less echo than over those empty jars.

I have a tomato canning date planned for September with my canning friend, Kate. Perhaps, Mom, when there is a new batch of bright red tomatoes on my shelves, I can give up the jar from ’06. Or ’90. But right now, it's waxing nostalgia: friendship.

After the breast cancer year, an old friend of 30-some years said to me, “Do you know how lucky you are to have so many friends? But, of course you know. Aren’t friends the best?”

Yes.

10 Feet Away

Yesterday was the 6-month interval: MRI. Mammogram. MRI. Mammogram. MRI. Mammogram. Again, I try to keep it an appointment on the calendar: 11:00 Mammogram. Go, leave, and continue with my day. Sometimes it works; other times – particularly on odd days in odd years – it doesn’t. I just turned 49 and it’s 2015. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2009 when I was 43. I've never liked odd numbers.

But, my appointment is on the 28th. My favorite even numbers. (I also look for even-numbered parking spots whenever I go to MGH. Surely, baseball players have wackier rituals than I. But, I digress…)

Driving to the hospital for the mammogram, that dreaded thought cropped up: Will today change the rest of my life?

Then Polly-Anna chirps, “Be optimistic. You are on meds to stop the hormones that feed any little, tiny cell of breast cancer that might be floating around your body. And there probably aren’t any of those cells.” As much as I love Polly-Anna, she’s not always the loudest voice on my shoulder.

While I listened to this back and forth conversation, I slowed for a stop sign and saw an oncoming car stop then proceed through the intersection. Then, just after he passed me, a little girl on a bike rounded a bush-shrouded corner and popped out right in front of me. She didn’t stop but rather crossed my lane to the other side of the road. I braked hard to miss her. She was perhaps 10 feet in front of me. I saw her helmet-less head and her surprised face as she mouthed “sorry” to me. I mouthed back, "Are you OK?" She gave me a wide-eyed nod and kept pedaling.

The harsh reality of what nearly happened brightened the prospect of going to have breasts scanned.

In the calm, I hold firm the reins. Unanticipated events crush lives in an instant. I was going for a mammogram. An act to prolong, protect, and prevent. No matter the result of the mammogram, I will be here for days, weeks, months, and years to come.

I settle somewhere between the exhausting extremes: the gray “what-if” and the gay “no-way” -- to here and now. This moment.

Where I’m OK.

Addendum...  all is good... mammogram on Tuesday was OK.  Love that word "benign." It's a peace-full kind of word.

Shell Seeking

Grab a cup of tea or coffee or a cool drink... I'm sharing notes from my beach combing journal.

(July 6, 2015 @ West Yarmouth, Cape Cod, MA)

The day began at 4:45. Me, standing next to the bed, thinking about where I could go and what I could do that wouldn’t wake the rest of the house.

I look at the stack of reading and my journal and pen. I see the couch and the glass coffee table on the landing outside the bedrooms and hear my coffee mug clink on it. I see the upper deck chair and hear two sliding doors rumble through their tracks. I sit motionless reading on the couch in the carpeted living room. And at 6:00 a.m., I decide to make my exit: to the beach.

After a walk to collect my favorite, most favorite shells – jingle shells – I turn this section of beach over to the shy birds. A hopping sparrow pecks at the seaweed washed in overnight during high tide. A piping plover runs evenly with alternating feet along the hard wet pack. Where I sit, away from the immediate water line, the piping plover looks like a clump of sand gliding across the beach.

The most common shells here are slipper shells, scallop shells, and jingle shells. Small, shiny, and opalescent, jingle shells gleam in the sunlight and cling to the sand after high tide. Fragile. From being slightly cupped to roughly flat, they look and feel like fragile skeletons shed from the inside of a bulkier shell. Surely nothing this delicate could have housed a creature to ride in the oft times rolling surf.

This morning I pick up only jingle shells. Shaking a scant handful, they jingle together, acknowledging their name. And they look perfect in my hand.

All in varying shades of yellow-orange, of slightly different shapes, and of many varying sizes. The smallest the size of a dime and the largest the size of perhaps a silver dollar. They are beautiful nestled together in my hand. How pretty they would be in a small glass bowl on the counter back at the house. I can add to the bowl after each seek.

A perfect display of shells. Perhaps I can drop the word perfect with them in the bowl. And leave it there. For that’s about as far as that word really should be used. Where its expectations should halt. A perfect bowl of shells.

(July 7th, on the beach at 7 a.m.)

The jingle shell line has slipped into the ocean. Unsure if I missed it by an hour or need to wait an hour – is the tide is coming in or going out?

That leaves me with the high tide seaweed to walk through. I tend to avoid shell seeking at this high water line, preferring freshly rinsed shells planted along clean low-tide sand. But these are worth poking through the green slimy stuff.

Plus, I’m a bit more immune to seaweed today than I was yesterday. A local was overheard saying, “We’ve got the weed.” In Colorado this would be understood differently than here on a Cape Cod beach. In Mom and Dad’s garden in Iowa it would have another meaning. And here, it means we have seaweed rolling onto the beach. I’m guessing a recent storm shook up the seaweed. And the waves have delivered it to our beach.

To swim, we walk out about 10 feet through seaweed. Liam, who in the past has freaked out at the sight of seaweed, marched through it. Thinking back it was swimming through it that Liam didn’t like, when it catches around your neck like a harness, and though you know there is no power in it, the slime around your neck feels life-like and tugs as you swim. And swimming in deep water where you can’t plant your feet and rise out of it, its force – however slight – is off-putting. Like the beginning of strangulation.

But this is seaweed around the knees, not the neck. Liam gathered it in his hands and formed balls. So I did too. Then he squeezed it dry. So I did too, shivering at the sliminess of it. Then the game began: I under-hand slow pitch a big gangly lump of it, and Liam tries to knock it out of the air with a fast pitch. And there was more than enough weed to keep this game going for an hour.

(July something, 2015 the day after yesterday – Thursday)

I was awake at 7:00 a.m. to do my chores: pick up Jingle Shells on the beach. With an overcast sky, the beach didn’t look too inviting for pen, paper, and chair. So I just took my little white-handled blue bucket.

The tide was going out, leaving me a wide water-marked area to comb. A row of treasures at the farthest reach of the water's webbed fingers pulled me, then the row a bit lower tugged. Looking down the beach I tried to make a plan. I would walk a straight line on the top first then return on the lower side, eight feet nearer England.

It didn’t work. The Jingle Shells are rarer than slipper shells, and my head wagged like a dog’s tail scoping out both sides – which infuriated the woman with the straight-ahead plan. Surely, I can walk on a beach without a perfect plan? There’s no need to keep on the straight and narrow. To fight by the sea that roaming urge that sabotages my daily land cruising?

No, today, I’m looking left and right. Chasing bright shells and leaving whatever zig-zag, straight, or diagonal path in my wake.

(The Day after Yesterday)

Shelling at the Surf’s Edge

The day opened with a bit of rain. By 9:30, it cleared. Bagel, coffee, string bag, and chair in hand, I walked to the beach.

The Jingle Shell line is at the surf’s edge. At the very point where incoming and outgoing waves meet and create a vacuum-like suction that leaves the shells rolling over my feet. Most are empty slippers. But the line is dotted with Jingle Shells. My job this beach trip.

These iridescent bi-valves lost a bit of their perfectness after my sister-in-law, Jot, had a look through a shell book. She shared that they are also known as “toe nail” shells and that they remind her of Bill’s big toe nail. Some 23 years ago, Bill’s buddy attached a bowling ball to Bill the night of his bachelor party. At one point, Bill dropped it on his big toe; it’s never been the same since then. Yes, old toe nails do look a bit like jingle shells – as would mine if not painted bright red. The 26-mile Avon walk a few years ago deformed my big toe nails.

To Jot’s spoken observation I called, “Objection! Retract!” for I don’t want to collect old yellow toe nails! No, no, no! But there it stuck. A couple years ago, I had a friend make beautiful necklaces for me of these delicate shells, and now I’ve promised Jot the most delightful piece of jewelry. Made only from the very best. The very biggest toe nail shells. And the very yellowest.

(A Day after the Toe Nail Assertion)

I’m working hard to reconfigure that statement – looking for a landing spot below absolute perfection of jingle shells and well above that of dead about-to-fall-off toe nails. It didn’t take much effort to re-imagine the rough shells of apricot, yellow, and orange hues. Surely they must be mermaids’ acrylic finger nails. Beautiful yet marked by a vigorous under-sea life. A tap on a rock or the peeling of lobster could surely pop off one of these nails.

(The Last Evening)

An evening wander back to the beach to gather my chair. I go without a bucket. I have enough shells. If I find more, I will only take what fits nestled in my hand. At the sight of the water, I know I won’t be shell seeking – the tide is coming in strong. The water is reaching high sand that has been baking in the sun all day. My shell line is more than knee deep in the water. I sit and watch the tide gather strength and push over the dry sand. Bringing with it shreds of now dead black seaweed. The big, green healthy clumps of it are gone. The pieces are now so small they look as if they’ve been put through a blender, on pulse.

I feel little. One of those times when I realize that despite me not being on the beach tomorrow, looking for Jingle Shells, it will still be here. The vastness of ocean and waves. Washing shells onto the beach. Leaving the same tidal lines I’ve worked in all week.

Privileged with the treasures I’ve collected and with the quiet mornings I’ve had alone, I’m somber moving back inland.

Another summer reflection from West Yarmouth, Cape Cod:

Simple Summer Vacation

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Strawberry Thumbs

“Do we have to take the strawberries? Can we substitute something else for them?” Ahh, the zucchini of early summer. They are lovely to see on those June CSA tables: summer’s first fruit. Strawberries. Strawberries. Strawberries.

My thumbs wince when my eyes connect to those pints and quarts of red gems. Thirty-some years ago, Mom’s strawberry patch in Iowa yielded 50 or more quarts of strawberries every summer. And when it came time to “do strawberries,” our summer tutorial in fine motor skill manipulation began.

If you were old enough to say “strawberry,” with or without the “s,” you were given a little bowl for the stems, an empty big bowl for the stemmed berries, and a quart of strawberries. Your stemming tools: your thumbs and thumbnails. The first quart was fun with a one-for-me, one-for-the-bowl rhythm. Second quart, belly full, thumbs red. Third quart, uncomfortable. The skin under the nail starting to separate from the nail. After that quart, intense stinging -- until we convinced Mom the pain was too much to continue.

When we were around eight or so – and despite Mom’s grimace – Grandma showed us how to use a little paring knife to stem the strawberries. The white-handled Pioneer corn seed knife was to me what the wheel was to the cave man. Mom’s idea of using thumbs was to salvage as much strawberry as possible from little stemmers. I’m sure safety was a concern, but I think freezing 95 percent of each berry rather than 50 percent was a higher priority. This is the same reason why none of the kids were sent into the patch to pick berries – the risk of tramped-on casualties was too high.

With all strawberries stemmed, Mom sprinkled on a little sugar, gave them a quick stir, then spooned these little summer delights into pint bags, and slipped them into the deep-freeze in the basement. Year-round, no birthday celebration would be complete without strawberries over ice cream.

At the first CSA pick-up, I was reminded again what a fresh strawberry really is…picked ripe. Like Mom’s patch, from the CSA table, there is no need to drill out the core of the strawberry with a paring knife. The fruit is ripened all the way up to the stem. So, this week I washed the berries and put them on the table. I didn’t encourage my kids to stem with their thumbs, but told them, “That’s the handle. You can eat it right up to the stem.” But they didn’t, so I carefully removed the stem with a paring knife so they would eat 95 percent of the berry versus 50 percent. The strawberry doesn’t fall far from the plant.

As I approach the CSA table, the strawberries brighten the tables of green, and my thumbs beg for a substitute. Although the little white paring knife, Mom’s strawberry patch, and an endless sea of red quarts are far away in time and space, strawberry thumbs are forever.

Iowa Storms

I’m in Iowa. It’s the annual summer trip away from the Northeast, taking the boys back to the Midwest to play with cousins and visit Grandpa, Grandma, aunts, and uncles. Bill spent Father’s Day weekend with us and then returned home to New England. We’ve had storms two of the five days we’ve been here. Bill got a great one on the Saturday before Father’s Day. My sister’s house sits atop a hill, so there is a clear 360 degree view of the sky. If there was a tornado, you would see it coming – unless it dropped from an air collision directly above the house.

Seeing black waves rolling across the sky makes me shake.

Heavy humidity combined with anticipatory stillness. Uncertainty of the oncoming wind. On that Saturday, there were no tornado warnings, only thunderstorm warnings – and a tornado watch until 11 p.m.

To me, thunderstorm warnings mean imminent thunder, lightning, some wind, and heavy rain. Back at Mom and Dad's on Monday, we watch the storms scream across the radar during a special weather bulletin. And in an hour or so it will pass. The female meteorologist gives the play by play with an assertive voice, directing viewers in its path to take cover. Avoid western walls in your house. Avoid windows. Ten miles from us, where my brother and his family live, 93 mph winds have been reported.

This storm now takes on a new dimension: It’s a derecho. Pronounced dare’-atio, this rarity produces wind gusts of a Level 1 hurricane and is often accompanied by large hail, up to two inches in diameter. It’s a straight-line storm. No spinning, just a huge mass of angry clouds making a mad sprint across the prairie skies.

I don’t recall derechos when I was growing up. Perhaps more high-tech meteorological tools have identified and can track this high-end storm. They can now predict down to the minute when communities will feel the impact of storms. This certainty didn’t exist 25 years ago; back then, on TV a red tornado warning would cover an entire county, and we would head for the basement. And wait. When it blew over, we would come up and look for damage.

In town, the sirens would sound as a warning for residents to take cover. During one of these storms, Mom and I had just stopped in to see Aunt Helen. Uncle Lee was out with the volunteer fire department watching the skyline for storms. Early day storm chasers. Our 5-ft tall aunt held a radio and listened to the dispatches between fire fighters. We walked into her house, and radio in-hand, Aunt Helen immediately ushered us to her basement. I remember the event being more humorous than scary: Aunt Helen wedged the three of us into a stall shower for a good 20 minutes. At home, we would have been playing pool in the basement. Away from windows and on the west side of the large basement.

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A new day… Despite the storms, the heat and humidity has remained high – until this morning. We woke up to clear sunny skies, and a barefoot step outside the back door landed on cool concrete. No storm overnight, still the humidity broke and the temperature dropped. The calmness of the change reminds me of New England. There, with fierce humidity in the air, a polite steady wind from inland to the coast can clear the air and drop the temperature in minutes. No thunder. No storm. No derecho.

For days in New England, we watch the approach of Nor’easters or hurricanes. Thankfully, since we are several miles from the coast, in the nine years we have lived out there, we have only been in the outer circles of the hurricanes, feeling moderate bands of wind and rain. The Nor’easters’ spigots may turn on and hover over us for days, dropping feet of snow or inches of rain. Neither of these weather events unsettle me like angry, unpredictable storms steaming across the wide open Midwestern sky.