Meanest Woman in the World

Teetering. Teetering on the edge of summer. Writing. Writing on the edge of summer.

Camps. Camps teetering on the edge of summer so I can write.


On the calendar two weeks ago, it all made sense. Time for me to write. Fun for them to go.

This morning, I was working with rubble. Tired kids. Skipped camps yesterday. Absolute beach freedom yesterday. Late night last night. Wake up call this morning for camp... Rubble.

I found enough fresh clay to work the rubble into some semblance of my children. A barter with one and a subtle ultimatum with another. After two hours of this arguing, in front of house guests, I turned to rubble.

After the second drop-off, I had four hours of camp-freedom to write a clever Hump Day Short. There were no words in my body. Let alone a clever one.

I started the van and idled for seconds. I needed to do something mindless. I wanted to lie flat on the ground and breathe. Maybe cry. The wide open gymnastics parking lot was not the place to do that.

A discount home décor store was on the way home from Will’s camp. I grabbed a cart and pushed it slowly down the first aisle. My chest tight. My shoulders hunched. Retail therapy. Better for me than chocolate bars dipped in peanut butter.

Into the cart went a lamp for the table next to our guests’ bed. In went a mattress pad for their bed. In went a bedside table for Liam. In went a long ottoman for the living room. I hope it will fit in the car. Oh man… I don’t have the car! I have the van! The van is what our guests take to the beach. In the hub-bub of the morning, I took the wrong vehicle! They are on a beach holiday with no vehicle to transport them to the beach.

My phone whistled to me as a text came through. Could I have one of Will’s friends over after their camp ends this afternoon? Of course. No problem. The friend’s mom was picking up her two other kids from a camp and a play date - two towns apart - at the same time. Her reply text: “Thank you so much.”

Thank you… I needed that genuine “thank you” today. For today, I am the meanest woman in the world.

I took over from another friend who was the meanest woman in the world on Monday.

I pity whomever is bestowed this honor tomorrow.