Every Ending is a New Beginning

I’m having my port removed next Tuesday, April 6th. I’ve put it off, held back by continuous reflecting on the experience and the day (the Warrior Princess Day) that it was put in. I could have had it out in February. March. Now it’s April. My nurse practitioner in the oncologist’s office encouraged me just to get it done. Stop dwelling on it. I told her the day I had it put in was one of the worst in this whole process. Let them know that, she said.

So I confirmed it Friday. I’ll have radiation at 7:45 a.m., about 10 minutes north of our house; then I have to be in Boston at 10 a.m., 30 minutes south of our house. Only a local is used to remove the port, so I can drive myself. After confirming the appointment, I asked to talk to a nurse. Debbie was very kind. She seemed to be able to understand my words through my broken voice, complimented with tears reminiscent of Warrior Princess Day. Good news: They don’t use the orange stuff any more. (Although I saw a woman sitting outside the infusion suite on Friday who had it all over her…) Debbie couldn’t believe that it had been used in October. Guess they were just finishing off the last bottle on me? She suggested they could give me an Atavan before the procedure if I was anxious about it. Atavan is the 21st century’s version of valium. I may take her up on that. In that case, I better have Bill with me. I certainly don’t want to be detained in the interventive radiology department. Again.

It’s spring. “What you see is the clear warm light of April. And it means we can begin a whole new year together, Toad. Think of it. We will skip through the meadows and run through the woods and swim in the river. In the evenings we will sit right here on this front porch and count the stars.” Ahhhh. Little robin red breasts are looking for worms, while Linda red breast is counting down the last few days of radiation. One more week left of the full dose. After that, the last five days I just get boosts: one quick 30 second burst focused on just the area where the tumor was. April 16th, done with radiation.

The beginning of a new story. We celebrate Easter today. The freshness of new possibilities, new starts. A heap of thankfulness. Regardless of what you celebrate this spring, I hope your spirits are stirred by all that lies ahead. Even if filled with challenges or sprinkled with unpleasant moments, “ahead” is a good thing to have.

Staying strong,